He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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