marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
