I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
