Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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