I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
