people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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