Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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