It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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