is your mom at the bar?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
