i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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