Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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