I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
