i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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