It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize