I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Acid is not a monday night drug
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
