I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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