i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
