Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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