So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
