And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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