4 words: hood of his car
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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