so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
