just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
