Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
