Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
