I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
