I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
