you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
