I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
