sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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