so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
