It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
