we have pet lesbian snakes
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
