I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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