I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
