i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
