Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
