Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
