Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
