im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
NoShamevember. You game?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize