end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my phone needs a breathalizer
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
