Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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