Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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