Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's never too late to be topless.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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