girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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