I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How many fucks given?
0.12846
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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