maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
