Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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