I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
