you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize