Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
