I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
this boner is exhausting
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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