i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
