I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
