you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
