1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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