yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
