Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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