I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize