i was born a porn star she said
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
