I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
