I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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