I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
