We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
