she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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