I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
