I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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